


what happens in fantasy vegas

by lightningb0nes



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Crew as Family, F/M, Happy Ending, Pining, Team as Family, Weddings, barry is sad and taako tries to help, drunk mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:24:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningb0nes/pseuds/lightningb0nes
Summary: Barry is sad, and Taako tries to help.Somehow, they both fuck it up pretty bad.





	what happens in fantasy vegas

Barry Bluejeans is distraught. He likes to consider himself a generally upbeat dude, especially now that believing that there is good left somewhere in the multiverse is so important, but this cycle, he’s just _sad_. He really shouldn’t be, he reasons with himself- this cycle is a beautiful world, full of dazzling lights and beautiful architecture, and it’s odd penchant for deciding important things through games of chance has made it actually kind of fun, but still, Barry is distraught.

It’s because of Lup, really, and he knows it. Lup is smart and strong and beautiful, and can cheat at almost anything without getting caught, which has made this world practically her playground, and Barry is sort of hopelessly in love with her. And Barry _is_ being ridiculous, he knows, because Lup is having fun and he should be happy for her, but she’s so enamoured with this world and it’s people that they’ve barely interacted in the four months they’ve been here.

“I’ll be back later,” Lup calls over her shoulder, shrugging into a glittering crop jacket, “Mama’s gonna bring home the bacon, and by bacon, I mean as much loot as I can scam these suckers out of,” she continues with a grin. She’s met with a cacophony of well-wishes and be-safes from her teammates, including a “don’t die” from Merle, and then she’s gone.

Barry decides that it’s time for him to lie down on the deck, now, and he’s been around the rest of the IPRE crew long enough that they’ve stopped questioning it when the others do things like this. So Barry lowers himself to the deck of the Starblaster and watches the silent fireworks of this world explode above, painting the skies brilliant colors, generally just feeling bad about himself.

“Jesus, Barold, what’s wrong with you? Your pity-party is throwing off my groove,” Taako says, dropping down next to him on the deck. “We are literally on a party planet, what do you have to feel bad about?”

Barry doesn’t reply, hoping that Taako might leave him alone if he just doesn’t react, but Taako’s known him long enough that it doesn’t really work anymore.

“Holy shit, you’re pining over Lup,” Taako says, and Barry can feel his face going red. “Ha! I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Fuck,” Barry says, eloquent as ever.

“Aw, Barold, it’s okay,” Taako says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Taako is here for you, and I know a place where you can get drinks for winning rock paper scissors,” the wizard says, clapping his hands together and lifting himself to his feet.

“Eh, I dunno Taako,” Barry says, but Taako is already leading him off the ship, into the brightly-lit city.

**-**

When Barry wakes up, his brain feels like he took a hit from Magnus to the temple- everything from the night before is fuzzy, and he is definitely not on the Starblaster. There’s a brief moment of panic, followed by elation, followed by _more panic_ when seeing there’s someone next to him on the inn’s bed, and that the someone is a dark-skinned, blonde elf- for a moment, he thinks it might be Lup, but then he sees purple dyed streaks and the distinctive scar Taako has on his right ear, and the panic continues.

“Taako,” he whispers, shaking the elf, “ _Taako Taaco, you wake up right now,_ ” he continues, and he’s about to cast prestidigitation to shock him awake when the elf groans and rolls over.

“Jesus, Barold,” he grumbles, “I’m up, I’m up, keep your- wait, why are you wearing a veil?”

Barry freezes, and then he scrambles to look at his left hand- and sure enough, there’s a golden band there. “Taako,” he says slowly, “are you wearing a ring?”

Sure enough, there’s a matching ring on Taako’s finger, and the horror sets in on the elf’s face.

“ _No,_ ” he whispers, and Barry sits there, staring at his hand. “Absolutely _not_ ,” Taako continues, and his face is continuing to pale.

“Jeez, way to make a guy feel good about himself,” Barry grumbles, and Taako smacks his shoulder without even looking at him.

“No, you moron, it’s-” Taako groans, running his hand through his bangs, “Lup’s going to fucking _murder_ me.”

“Oh, fuck,” Barry says.

**-**

Lup is not angry. No, Lup is not any degree of upset with the scenario- she thinks it’s hysterical, in fact.

“Holy fuck,” she gasps between laughs, “you two got _hitched_ .” Lup, of course, is not the only one laughing- Magnus is hollering, Merle and Davenport are chuckling between themselves, and even Lucretia is giggling. “Mags, Maggie, they- fuck, they’re the _Misters Bluejeans_ , Maggie!”

“Don’t you dare,” Taako says, pointing a finger at Magnus, but it’s too late.

“Taako Bluejeans!” The human howls, and it just sets the rest of them off laughing again, until Lup is wiping tears from her eyes and Magnus has been reduced to a puddle of giggling on the floor.

“Aw, I can’t believe Taako beat me to the punch,” Lup says, teasing, and Barry flushes bright pink while Taako just groans, summoning a Mage Hand to smack his sister. Lup dodges the half-hearted hit, and Taako accidentally smacks Magnus instead, and Lup laughs. “Haha, crit fail, sucker,” she taunts, before turning to head back to her room. “Enjoy holy matrimony, lovebirds, because I’m kicking Taako out of my room~!”

There’s a moment of silence, save Magnus’ wheezing on the ground, before Taako claps his hand on Barry’s shoulder. “Hope you like cuddling, hubby,” Taako says, and Barry just sighs, accepting his fate.  

**-**

It takes six cycles for Lup and Magnus to finally drop calling Taako “Mr. Bluejeans”, and another ten for Lup and Barry to finally get together after their performance in the Legato Conservatory, but even after surviving having their memories erased, fighting the Hunger, and rebuilding a world, Lup and Magnus don’t forget.

“I still love you, even though you married my brother first,” Lup says at their wedding, and Taako, her best man, winks at Barry in the most suggestive way he can, just to watch the human flush.

“We all know you and Magnus tied the knot in cycle 74,” Barry returns with a grin, and Lup laughs, bright and clear, blowing a kiss to Magnus, who’s standing at Barry’s side. “And I love you too, Lup,” he continues, "with all my heart," he promises, and Lup _beams_.

**Author's Note:**

> here u go, the Most Ridiculous Scenario! the whole "they were all married at some point" concept is kidnapped from Yevynaea's [paperwork](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11766240), which is a really cute fic that i highly recommend. 
> 
> as always, my tumblr is [lightningb0nes](http://lightningb0nes.tumblr.com/), you can donate to me at my [ko-fi!](https://ko-fi.com/A3661QR0), and now, you can [commission](http://lightningb0nes.tumblr.com/commissions) me for custom fics/writing!!!!


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